Recent events have caused me to look inward yet again. An almost constant habit I have acquired since I became invested into this path of mine...
You see, this latest foray into introspection was set into motion as an emotional response to having two long term students stop training and leave the Dojo. Of course this is not the first time a student has given up on training and left the Dojo, but there was something about the fact that these two had been involved for so long and pledged long term allegiance to the dojo, the art etc.
Every time a student leaves I evaluate the situation, was it because of something I did? Do I need to approach my responsibility as a teacher in a different way? Did I some way let them down or offend them? Was it a problem within the student body that festered until they felt leaving was the only option?
It is important for a Dojo-Cho to be up on the inner workings of the Dojo environment, we must act as a moderator at times, and we must be aware to intercept situations before they become problems. However, most of the time students leave a good dojo for their own reasons, through no fault of the Dojo. This is how it is...
For me personally, I cannot really teach a person that I cannot "care" about. What I mean is that if I feel a person is disrespectful, too aggressive (making me wonder if they are a lose cannon) or emotionally vacant. I cannot do my best job of teaching those people. I need to connect with a person before I can be their Sensei.
So, if I accept somebody as my student, it means that I am going to make an investment in them. I will invest my time, my concern, my effort and my emotions into them. Early in my teaching career, this would cause me to feel the affects of loss and sorrow and even resentment when they would leave. I remember thinking years ago not to invest my heart into my students as most would leave anyway so why bother...
I am happy that I caught myself early on and never fell into that trap. I think most of us who teach have seen or know about those teachers that look at students as "clients" or in truth $$$. Often times you will hear such "teachers" speaking of the "bottom line" or "total student value" etc... No, for me I have to be emotionally invested otherwise I need to pack up and move on.
In this latest and apparently shocking event where these two long term students left us, other students didn't see it coming, one of them being my daughter who also assists in teaching. She came to me for advice on how to handle the emotions of "losing" people that you care for when they leave the Dojo. For her seeing people for almost four years a few times per week, at events and what not and then having them suddenly vanish from her life, really upset her.
In the process of helping her deal with her feelings, she asked me what would end up being a "turning phrase" (to use Zen lingo) She asked, don't you care? Aren't you upset? My reply was of course I care, but no I am not upset, this is what students do, this is what people do, indeed this is what all things do. They become and then they go away...
It was at that point, listening to my own answer to my daughter, that all of my paths converged (as has happened so many times..) At that precise moment, my Spiritual training, my martial arts training, my life experience all were one point. At that moment, I clearly seen how each one supported the other, and I seen just how fortunate I was to be a Dojo-cho and how blessed I was to be able to interact with people on the level that I do.
You see, I told her as I continued, because I am not upset, does not mean that I don't care. In fact, therein lies the trick, to care completely in each person in the moments that you are together, but to not be attached to them or those moments when fate intervenes and your paths pull apart.
Sooner or later, we all come to the realization, that all things end, everyone goes away, nothing lasts. We then have a choice, we can choose to be cold and detached so we don't experience the pain of loss, or, we can choose to be even more in the moment, wise to the nature of things. Knowing that nothing will last, NOW is our chance, our ONLY chance!
We can burn up completely in the moment, giving ourselves fully to the moment, and then letting go without attachment, but with a heart of gratitude for having been there... These wonderful lessons are taught to me by my students, by the seasons, by the winds of change that blow throughout all of our lives, and I am deeply grateful...
In after thought, maybe a better name for this essay would have been "the role of the student in the life of a sensei" :)
Tags: Sensei Student Training Teaching Relationship
