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Listening
Posted On 05/06/2008 15:42:05 by LouieM

I met a martial artist today outside of my dojo. We ate lunch and talked about martial arts. After half and hour, he wouldn't stop talking. He kept going about forms, applications, the arts he's studied, his opinions on MMA. The man was all over the page. At some points he talked at length about ninjutsu with authority, never knowing that I have studied Togakure Ryu Ninjutsu with the Bujinkan. During this time I simply listened and kept asking him questions, trying to learn what I could.

But at one point he said something that almost made me laugh. He said, "You know, it's great to talk a a martial artist who is better than me." I asked him if he though I was better than him. He replied, "Well, I think that you are more versatile." Looking like he wanted a response, I told him: "I don't see how you could know either of these things because you've never asked me any questions. You don't know anything about me. But I am learning everything about you."  

He seemed thoughtful and said, "Maybe thats why your better than me."

Then he spent the next half and hour continuing to talk about himself. 

I thanked him for the conversation (if you could call it that) and he was none the wiser. But I couldn't help but pity the guy. How he learned as much as he claims seems odd to me, considering his ability to talk but never listen. Had he listened, maybe he could have learned something from me. As it was, I was the only one really gaining from the conversation. Moreover, he could have embarrassed himself. For all he knew, I could have been an expert of the things he was talking about, and in some cases I knew much more than he might expect.

In the end, I see no point in challenging people like this. They only want to talk, so let them talk. They share all of their knowledge, and will never make you give any of yours. It's like a master who has decided he no longer needs to study, because he has achieved mastery.

As we parted ways, he said to me, "Don't worry Louie, you'll find the path."

I only smiled. 

Tags: Talking Listening Jujutsu Budo Martial Arts Teaching



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Viewing 1 - 4 out of 4 Comments

From: dandjurdjevic
05/07/2008 18:34:02
I forgot to say - an excellent post.


From: dandjurdjevic
05/07/2008 18:30:30

It seems this fellow was very insecure, judging by how much he talked (and how he assumed you were "better" than he was).

I know a lot of people who are insecure and talk too much as a result - a kind of nervous habit.  Maybe they figure that if they throw enough words at you you'll find something to be impressed about.

The parting comment is a classic.  What can you do but smile?

I met a guy like that at a 4 day workshop last year.  The only real difference is that he was offensively arrogant (he would never say that anyone was better than he was).  Like your acquaintance he could talk the leg off a chair and listed his achievements and studies ad nauseum. 
I later found out that no-one wanted to teach him because he wouldn't listen, so he kept going from school to school after being kicked out...



From: suikendo
05/07/2008 06:39:31
Interesting story.  The martial arts are full of people like that. It's strange you never see them on the floor training.  It seems to me that no matter how old or crippled you might be, if you are a so-called master (or not), you would be on the floor training as we never quit learning no matter how old we are. 


From: Kumaken
05/07/2008 01:07:08
As a counselor I am in this situation many times a week. Some people rant to impress, some people rant to validate themselves, and others rant for any other number of reasons. I agree that it seems the event was onesided and that this fellow missed an opportunity to expand his experience by learning something about you. I think your response was very appropriate because this gentlemen most likely wasn't interested in what you had to say. I don't know how many times I've seen clients who come asking for help for a situation or to help them change someone else, but ultimately end up ranting which, ironically ends up preventing them from achieving their own goals. To some people it is often much easier to avoid the real issue than facing it oneself. I'm willing to bet it is he who is "searching for the path". That is what I love about the martial arts is the confronting of one's own challenges: to defeat oneself.




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